Confession
I still haven't talked to Mat much. I think he's nice and I'm glad he's not pushy but at the same time, there's no spark or attraction. I keep thinking to myself... I should not have to try so hard to want to call him at the BEGINNING. Instead, I find myself wanting something else. I find I want to call John (yes, Melissa, the John we both know) more than Mat. It is weird. I don't know what to do. I hate being single but I can't be with someone just to NOT be single. I wished I was closer to Kalamazoo or my friends were closer to Battle Creek. Some of my closest friends are in K-zoo. But I hardly get to see them. I miss Melissa and her family and I miss John. I really miss John. The thing is that I've hurt him so much in the past because I was not ready for a relationship and wasn't able to tell him I needed to slow down and I forced myself to do it....only to fail later. Ugh. Confessions are good to get off your chest. But I'm still confuse...