Noah's Mommy

So far I've been drinking more water. I wished I had one of those things like Besco dispensers so I could have ICE COLD water all the time. It sucks only having a little in the fridge. I have nasty well water and no filters so I can't drink it. NOthing I can do about it now. But I'm still not feeling that great. BETTER, but not great. I go for my 2 week check up tomorrow afternoon. We will see how that goes. Noah's sick. And up. So I'm off here.

So I got a headache from the Vicodin I took last night. I need to find out why? Ugh. It took me from 5am till 3pm to get rid of it. I took showers, ibuprofin, and relaxed. I even drank TONS of water. It didn't help. I was aggravated. Mom came over about 2:30pm and said "Lets get Out". So we went to the Griffen and had Deep Fried Califlower and a COKE. By a little after three....NO HEADACHE.

I'm not taking care of myself since I've had Noah. Not as well as I should. I do better for him but not myself. I need to start taking better care. I also realized that my recent surgery has a side effect. I am unable to go to the bathroom....at all. I don't know what or why -- but the past 2 surgeries has been the same way. so NO MORE SURGERIES for me. I can't stand it. I also have neglected myself and NOT rested even when doc wanted me to. I wasn't supposed to go back to work but I am already sinking financially (and possibly will lose my house) so I did what I HAD to do. I hope that in the end I don't lose my house. So I need support and don't know where to get it from. I want to eliminate Mountain Dew. I want to drink more water. I want to avoid fast food. I want to cook IN more. I want to do better for me cause if I do bad then I might not be here for Noah and that SCARES ME!!!

So lets see.... It is day 3... yes, three. Noah is sleeping in his bed. On his own. I sleep in the room with him so that still makes it hard. But right now I am doing it and he is following what I say. Our Routine has changed. Bath Time about 6:30pm - 7:00pm Quiet Play about 7:00 - 7:15pm Nurse 7:15 - 7:30pm Lay down in bed 7:30pm Now I have him in the pack and play cause the crib was a no go. The crib with one side off was a no go.... BUT a pack and play was a GO GO!!!!! I lay on his crib mattress RIGHT NEXT to him. I have all lights off except one in living room. I turn the radio on very low. I lay him down. He obviously cries. But he lays his head down. He took about 45 minutes on Sunday Night to get to sleep. Monday was about 5-10 minutes and tonight was 5 minutes. He's not sleeping ALL night... but the first half. I haven't figured out how to get him to do it after he's nursed about midnight (or 1am). He can nurse for a LONG time if I let him. Last nigh...

I still haven't talked to Mat much. I think he's nice and I'm glad he's not pushy but at the same time, there's no spark or attraction. I keep thinking to myself... I should not have to try so hard to want to call him at the BEGINNING. Instead, I find myself wanting something else. I find I want to call John (yes, Melissa, the John we both know) more than Mat. It is weird. I don't know what to do. I hate being single but I can't be with someone just to NOT be single. I wished I was closer to Kalamazoo or my friends were closer to Battle Creek. Some of my closest friends are in K-zoo. But I hardly get to see them. I miss Melissa and her family and I miss John. I really miss John. The thing is that I've hurt him so much in the past because I was not ready for a relationship and wasn't able to tell him I needed to slow down and I forced myself to do it....only to fail later. Ugh. Confessions are good to get off your chest. But I'm still confuse...

I was planning on working 6-7 hours at work today. One-- I miss it. Two -- If I don't I miss the money. lol. But the Regional Manager was there and he was hovering and I HATE that. I got a lot done but those guys are not able to manage without my old manager or myself. Eeeep. Guess that means I'm a needed individual. =)

So surgery actually went really well. I feared the pain and kept taking a vicodin every 6 hours. It was prescribed at 2 every 4 hours. I have little shocks of pain and if I sit too long or lay too long it hurts to move. But I'm not in as bad of shape as I thought I would be. SO I had surgery on Tuesday. Then had soo much crappola to do on Wednesday that I didn't go to work. Instead I did research at the library and got the Season 4 of "Gray's Anatomy". Then this morning I was planning on going to work. INSTEAD I WOKE WITH A MIGRAINE. How annoying. That is when it dawned on me that the vicodin was wearing off and I was in a little pain. Not TOO severe, but enough to be uncomfortable. Plus with the headache heading in a migraine direction, I just took Noah to day care. I went home and slept. Imagine that. I slept good and wished I had the opportunity to do that more often. That is till Noon when I woke up to do homework. Which ended up being a nig...